This entry was posted on Thursday, January 15th, 2009 at 3:49 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I’m not sure how I feel about the new JS right now, I’m not sure if I can write what I really want to here, so I guess I will just be as vague as I can be and put it out there anyway.
I’m feeling not quite good enough right now, not the person I thought I was, not enough or maybe too much? I dunno, I just feel like I failed.
I came home from work sick today, I couldn’t stop throwing up, then I slept for a little while and went to the Doctors, I let the flood gates open, I’m not managing things well, I’m not coping like I know I should be, I’m not doing that I should be doing, I’m not there for someone like I could be.
It’s funny how silence can shatter you, worse than words, silence says nothing, it doesn’t get angry or sad it just hangs in the air and knocks the wind right out of you.
I thought I was one person and then recently found out I was another, I didn’t know what I was doing to people by the way I was being, I saw myself as the big hero, Mr Fixit, who would just wrap you up in his arms and make it all better.
I’m not though, I’m the big scary ogre who you watch what you say around otherwise he may just bite your head off.
I’m just hoping I can be the hero again and wondering if it’s too late.
posted by January 15, 2009 3:49 pm | read comments (12)
Tristram
January 15th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Hate to hear you’re hurting, tris. I really hope everything works out for the best for you.
January 15th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
no, you’re not the big hero, you are YOU and the real you is the person we love and care about. You don’t need to be a mister perfect to be loved, in fact, no one likes a mister perfect. Don’t beat up yourself so much, ok? {hugs}
January 15th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I feel like you do…too open on here. I dare say this because people tend to think I’m being a bitch about it but I respect anyone wanting to be private…Chin up Pilgrim, Crockett is a bad mo fo man, hope you feel better soon
*hugs* (um just keep the cootie bugs over there lol)
January 15th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Could do with more privacy options round here, or in “new terms” a Red Hoody Jacket.
January 15th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Awwww, I wish I could give you a big hug. Feel better soon. **HUG**
January 15th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
This may not help, but we all feel this way sometimes. You just have to get up, brush yourself off, learn from your mistakes, and keep on keeping on.
January 16th, 2009 at 2:08 am
You weren’t kidding… that IS vague, but sorry you’re feeling sick and stressed among other things. Hope things look up for you buddy.
January 16th, 2009 at 7:39 am
It is okay sometimes NOT to be the hero…sometimes the scales swing the other way and that is okay. We are human. Now just forgive yourself, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Maggs
January 16th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
big long silent walk-across-the-room-and-wrap-you-up-in-me hug.
the kind you don’t even have to ask for.
January 16th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Hero’s are usually make-believe ideals- You are a wonderfully, flawed, REAL human being. Embrace that, and love it. We do. *smiling*
Feel better soon…
{{hugs}}
~db
January 17th, 2009 at 12:27 am
Sorry to hear you are not well
I feel so out of the loop with much of what you said since I wasn’t very active IN JS before it went away.
Chin up, one day at a time.
*hugs*
January 18th, 2009 at 3:36 am
Thank you all for the comments and advice, you know I appreciate it.
I’m feeling much better now.